An All Star Fiasco
by NekuraSunshine
Summary: The characters of Hairspray, Harry Potter, Grease, High School Musical - and even the narrators from Joseph and his Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat and The Cat in the Hat - are running amok in central London.
1. The Golden Trio and Link

☼Author's Note!☼ _Although I posted this fanfiction, I wrote it together with the user Jupiterspoon, who contributed roughly 50 of it. Thanks! Although we don't own any of the main characters, we _do _own the blonde girl and her tall friend- they are our own interpretation of ourselves. _

"Come off it, you prick!" Ron said loudly, pelting Harry with his soggy muffin wrapper. Harry winced, but put it in his mouth, chewed, and sent it back. It hit Ron square on the forehead, causing a ruckus.   
The three were sitting in a coffee shop on a busy street in central London, and Harry had just accused Ron and Hermione of holding hands under the table when he wasn't looking. Indeed they were, but Harry didn't have to know that.

The tinkle of a bell above the door announced the arrival of a new customer. A tall boy of about sixteen entered the cafe, attracting stares. He had shiny black hair gelled back into a small quiff, with a single small curl left to hang at his hairline. He wore slightly unusual clothes, but nothing blatantly unattractive- a neat purple suit and shiny leather shoes, with a dark blue striped shirt tucked into the belt of his trousers. He stood casually, but carefully positioned with a dancer's poise. His right thumb was jammed into his trouser pocket, four fingers drumming against his thigh as if he could hear music. One knee was bent slightly; his feet were at a perfect sixty-degree angle.

Hermione pointed out a gaggle of girls following him, peering through the window they were seated next to, and seemingly not seeing anything else.

"Tsk," Harry commented. "What a poser."

"I know. I mean, purple?" Hermione scoffed, although she was secretly mesmerised.

Ron was rendered incapable of speech, due to his fits of badly concealed laughter. Slowly, he turned as red as his most recent Christmas jumper. The boy didn't seem to notice, and was busy preening himself with a comb he kept up his sleeve.

By the time Ron recovered, the stranger had bought his two doughnuts and was walking towards the door, and their table. Ron started laughing again, but was silenced when the boy winked at Hermione and made her blush. As soon as the door closed behind him, Ron erupted in a stream of curses and insults.

- - -

Link Larkin slipped out of the cafe, and glanced around the busy high street. He sighed, and tapped his feet impatiently. Where the hell was Corny?

"All the cars sure look fancy," he said to himself.

A passing blonde woman clutching a green bag dropped her newspaper in a nearby rubbish bin. Link hurriedly fished it out for fear of looking like he'd been stood up, heaven forbid. He got the shock of his life when he spotted the date in the corner of the front page.

Link stared at the date. Surely it was wrong, a practical joke, maybe? He started walking, although he didn't know where. He passed the group of teenagers still throwing muffins at each other, and saw the girl he had winked at staring lustfully after him. As he paced the street up and down, he noticed a bunch of young girls following him, in what they assumed was an inconspicuous fashion.

As the girls passed link, he caught some of their conversation.

"No, the lyrics are 'Reach out and touch...Ultra Clutch!' dumbass."

His hopes suddenly rising, he tapped the blonde girl who said that on the shoulder. She turned round, and after looking at him for a few seconds, looked like she was going to die on the floor.

"D'you know Corny Collins?!"

The gaggle of people behind her started humming a familiar tune, which he recognized as Nicest Kids in Town.

"Oh God, so you do know.."

Link was interrupted by two girls and a boy around nine coming up to him, screaming something about a high school musical, and someone called Zac..? They got increasingly violent as they whacked him around the waist with autograph books. Suddenly, the blonde girl growled angrily and said that someone called Gabriella would be murdered brutally, and have her disgustingly nasal vocal chords in a jar if they didn't leave him alone.

"Thanks little darlin'." he said gratefully, and winked at her.

The girl let out a high pitched squeal and began to run very fast into the opposite direction, towards her slightly startled friend.

"Wait! I need to know about Corny..."

Link sighed, and sat on the corner of the street. He needed to find that blonde girl if he wanted to get home, but first, he needed something to drink.


	2. Sandy and Gabriella

Sandra Dee strode around central London with a purpose, although she didn't actually know where she was going. Eventually, she settled herself on a wooden bench in a well kept, busy park. Reaching into her green handbag, she pulled out a notepad and pencil. Sandy had always wanted to be a writer, but could never find the time to sit for hours and do seemingly nothing. Ever since she had been mysteriously teleported into the future, seven years ago, she had decided to honour her high school sweetheart and only love, Danny, by writing a romance novel, so she looked around the park for characters to base her work on.

She caught sight of two girls walking together and babbling excitedly, but just out of earshot. One was petite and blonde, with straight hair and an elfin face and bold dress sense. Her friend was the opposite; very tall, with full lips and a mop of black hair that hung in corkscrew curls and bounced as she walked. One had skin the colour of cream, the other- chocolate.

One pointed out a handsome man in his twenties, and they both approached him squealing. The man wore clothes that gave one the impression that he had been kidnapped straight from the 60s. Wondering if, by some coincidence, he was in the same situation as she was seven years ago, she thought she might go talk to him.

However, the man had asked the girls something, they had screamed and pointed back the way they had come, the man flashed them a dazzling smile of thanks and he was gone.

- - -

It seemed lately that Gabriella couldn't go out in public without at least an hour spare to sign autographs, have pictures taken or be interviewed. She didn't even know why, and assumed she was just a lookalike- people kept calling her 'Vanessa'

Not to boast or anything, but she loved it.

She flipped her hair, put on some lip gloss, and flipped her hair again, off to dazzle people with her voice, which was amazing. Well, in her opinion, anyway.

Walking around central London, about to be mobbed by paparazzi, she passed a teenage boy and grown man walking together, both dressed in what she figured must be costume- they looked like they were from the 60s or something. She looked closer at the boy. No… It couldn't be-

"_Troy!" _She ran towards him, flinging her arms around his neck. He looked a little confused, so Gabriella started singing a very loud, off-key love song to him, in the hope that he would remember her.

"Um… do I know you? My name's Link." The strange boy pushed her away and she fell over her own feet, onto the floor.

Corny put on his best fake smile. "I'm sorry, little lady, but auditions for my show aren't till next week."

"What?" she spluttered from the floor. "I'm not here to audition for your..._show!_ I'm already practically a celebrity." Gabriella flipped her hair. She picked herself up, and held Link's face. "Troy... what's happened to you? Why don't you remember me?" Tears dripped from her eyes. "Why are you dressed like that? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?!" she sobbed at Corny. They started walking away. Distraught in the middle of the street, Gabriella heard Link say,

"So _this_ is what the future's like. You get accosted by strange girls all the time!" He said in awe.

"Nah," Corny replied. "I think it's just what _London_ is like."e s


	3. In Topshop

Ron ran backwards and forwards, laughing hysterically at the automatic doors.

"Ron, for God's sake," Hermione hissed, grabbing his arm and pulling him away, "We need to remain inconspicuous."

The red head looked at her with a gormless expression on his face. Hermione sighed."We can't be recognized by Muggles. Harry, are you done yet?"

Harry was having trouble with the mobile phone he had borrowed from a passer by. The passer by in question was tapping his feet impatiently.

"Look kid, are you finished or what?" he snapped angrily.

Harry flinched, and handed the phone back over. Hermione sighed.

"How on earth are we supposed to get back to Hog…?"

She was drowned out by vibrant, enthusiastic singing coming from round a corner, followed by angry, raised voices, a loud thump, and then hysterical tears.

Rushing round the corner, the trio found a woman dressed in a long, black robe, lying on the floor and sobbing.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to help?" gabbled Harry.

Ron snorted and muttered something about a "saving people fetish" under his breath.

Harry shot him a filthy look, after helping the woman to her feet.

"Oh, I'm fine," she said, sniffling, "It's just…. I can't find Joseph."

"Joseph?"

"My friend. It's not that I can't find him, it's that I don't have anything to do with myself."

"Well, I suppose you could hang round with us for a while…"

Two hours later, the trio was really starting to regret their decision. Hermione decided that as long as they were in London, they should get some shopping done. She was having rather a lot of fun in TopShop, snorting in disdain at the Muggle fashions. I mean, who would want to wear leggings under tights?

But there were two things dampening her mood. Firstly, Harry and Ron's complaints every time Hermione dragged them into another shop. And secondly, the narrator. It wasn't that she was an annoying person; it was that every time Hermione picked up a garment –

"WILL SHE BUY IT? MAYBE SHE WILL? BUT WHICH COLOUR TO CHOOOOOOOOOOOOSE?!" the narrator sang joyfully, and very, very loudly.

Harry groaned and massaged his temples.

"Um….Miss…..err….Narrator? Could you possibly excuse us for a minute?"

But the narrator continued to sing very loudly, progressing onto screechy higher notes.

"Narrator. Narrator. HEY LOOK, SOMEONE IN A BRIGHTLY COLOURED COAT!"

Harry bellowed, and pointed in the opposite direction.

The narrator stopped singing, let out a squeal, and began to run to where Harry was pointing, screaming the name Joseph, and startling several shoppers. The three took the opportunity to sprint out of the shop and down Oxford Street, glancing over their shoulders occasionally to see if they were being followed.


	4. Linky and the Cornster

Link and Corny were sitting in Starbucks, sipping coffee and shuddering at the bitter taste. Corny was gazing absent-mindedly at a strange woman bolting past the shop window wearing a billowing black robe, which was flying dramatically behind her.

"So… how do you reckon we get home, Linky?"

"I don't know, but… _Linky!?" _Link was horrified.

"Sorry, I'm worried. When I get worried, I say strange things."

"Damn right, Cornster."

"_Cornster?"_

"Would you prefer The Collinator?"

"Oh come on, that's not fair-" Corny started, but Link suddenly stood up from the table, pointing out of the window.

"It's those girls!" He exclaimed. "They know stuff! Come on."

Sighing, but genuinely interested, Corny followed as Link fled the shop. Catching up to said girls, he recognized them as the ones who had directed him to Link in the first place. The sight of him and Link approaching them, slightly out of breath, made their eyes sparkle.

"Excuse me… I, er, don't know your names… but we've seen you around a lot, and-"

"I'm Erica," The tall one said immediately. "And this is Alice. Can we help you?" She asked, smiling at the fact that her friend was literally speechless.

"Right, well," Corny started, although he didn't know what exactly he was going to say. "We were just wondering if…er…"

"We could crash at your place?" Link cut in suddenly, to Corny's complete astonishment. "You see, we just got here and don't really know where we are, and don't have any money or anything-"

"Actually…" Corny reached into his sock and pulled out a wad of dollar bills.

"Yeah, but that's not going to be much use, is it? They use pounds and stuff here, you big girl's blouse-" Link started, but was suddenly interrupted when a normal looking man walked past, reciting loudly,

"_Will you let them stay, or will you not?_

_They're handsome- there's a plus,_

_One's got cash; the other's hot,_

_You know you really must!"_

The girls were so astounded, they didn't even notice.

"W-we're staying in a hotel, you could, um, come get rooms next to us… or something…" The tall girl managed to stammer.

"Yeah, w-we c-can pay, honestly. I made some money when I understudied on the West End for……Hairspray."

Link looked confused.

"What's Hairspray?"

Erica snorted.

"It doesn't matter," she said, "We'll pay."

"Thanks little darlin'," Link said, winking at Alice. The blonde girl proceeded to faint onto a nearby park bench, while her friend shook her head at him, and attempted to pick her up. Corny sighed.

"You did that on purpose, didn't you Larkin."

Link nodded, smirking slightly.


	5. A Brick Through the Window

Gabriella was outraged. She had been listening to the radio for twenty whole minutes and not once had she been mentioned! She fiddled with the buttons, attempting to tune into a station.

"Good morning Kensington, it's nearly eleven pm, and Christmas is coming up. So here's an old but cheesy favourite." She groaned angrily as "Jingle Bell Rock" began to play, and switched it off.

She had mysteriously arrived in London two weeks ago and, even after finding out that her home number and all of her friends' numbers didn't work, had done nothing to solve her predicament besides find herself a hotel room to stay in.

"Oh well," she thought, "I can just sing my worries away."

Gabriella proceeded to belt out a loud, off key ballad, throwing in some slides, and what some would call "constipated noises" to give it a nice effect.

On hearing the hysterical screams of a toddler, and a total of seventeen gunshots, she increased her volume to block out all distractions. However, a loud crash and a brick hurtling through the window, with a piece of paper attached, interrupted her. Quickly, she unfolded it:

_Shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you._

Her eyes blurred, and she immediately began to sob, running to the window and screeching "TROY!" to the moon. Suddenly, a voice came out of nowhere.

_"And so, the girl with nasal song_

_wondered where she had gone wrong,_

_why was her troy ignoring her so?_

_she made up her mind- to him she must go."_

Gabriella started. Where had that voice come from, and how did it know so much about her? The voice was male, but she couldn't see any people in the street. Turning around, Gabriella checked her room. On looking inside the en-suite bathroom, she found a man in turquoise overalls bending over her toilet, cleaning it. He saw her come in, and grinned.

"Who the hell are you?" She demanded of the man.

_"Room service! Hired, I am_

_to keep your toilets spic and span."_

"I didn't hear you come in! Aren't you supposed to knock?"

_"Young lady, I knocked_

_but you couldn't hear,_

_you were busy singing_

_or so it would appear."_ The man smirked at the last line.

Gabriella was confused. She saw her reflection in the glossy bathroom mirror, and smiled at it. It smiled back.

"So," She asked. "Why do you speak in rhyme?"

_"A long story, madam, but I shall tell_

_I worked in the film industry for a spell._

_'The Cat in the Hat' I did narrate,_

_but the movie is over, and so lies my fate;_

_I wander the city; I speak only in rhyme,_

_It's hard to make friends with this condition of mine."_

Gabriella thought it best to shun this strange man from the room, as soon as possible. Right after he had cleaned her toilets, that is.


End file.
